Last Kiss
by edwardsbellamy
Summary: Based on the song by Taylor Swift.  Bella never thought someone like Edward would fall for her.  But he did.  Now she can't believe the've had their last kiss.  AH/AU
1. Chapter 1

My alarm clock flashes 4:30. I sigh. I will have to be up for my first class in less than three hours and I'm facing yet another sleepless night. I've been lying in bed for nearly four hours now, alternating between staring at the ceiling and listening to the muted sound of my roommate's humidifier through my bedroom wall. I roll over, but I don't roll into a warm, solid, comforting mass. No, my double bed is empty because you're not here with me. I wonder if you've even found your way to bed yet. If you have, you're probably not alone. I can picture your bedmate. She's blonde, tall, tan, leggy, and has gravity-defying boobs thanks to a great plastic surgeon and daddy's credit card. I always knew you'd end up with that type of girl, the complete opposite of me. I close my eyes to block out the very vivid picture of this girl wrapped around you like a vine and my mind wanders back to a much more pleasant place.

_The clock flashes 1:58. I laid as still as I could, not wanting to disturb Edward lying next to me. Tonight had been perfect, so much better than anything I could have imagined. I listened to his breathing, trying to decide if he was still awake. If he was, I wondered what he was thinking. Would his thoughts match mine or was he having regrets? Had I done something wrong? The noises he'd made and the words he'd whispered in my ear as he moved above me had made me think that we were on the same page, but maybe I was wrong. After all, it wasn't like I had anything to compare it to._

"_Stop it." His velvety voice startled me. I turned to look at him curiously. The room was dark, but I could make out his face in the moonlight coming through the window. He gently touched my forehead. "You've got that wrinkle right there, the one you get when you're thinking too much."_

_I smiled. "I have no idea what you're talking about."_

_He chuckled and I melted a little inside. "I know you too well, Bella. You're probably analyzing everything that happened tonight like a sports coach looks at game footage. Stop worrying so much!"_

_I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I can't help it. I just…I didn't know if…" I couldn't quite bring myself to share what I was thinking. Hadn't I read in Cosmo that guys think girls with confidence are sexy? Probably a lot more sexy than a neurotic girl who had just lost her virginity. I tipped my head so that my hair covered my face._

_Edward pushed my hair behind my ear and brushed his thumb across my cheek. "I understand how you feel. I'm probably just as nervous as you are right now. This has never happened to me before." His voice was soft and sincere. I hesitantly raised my eyes to meet his, those piercing green eyes that had first drawn me to him. _

_I frowned in confusion. "But you said you've-"_

"_I've had sex before. But that wasn't just sex. I think I'm falling in love with you. I have been ever since you crash-landed in my life." He smiled softly and held my gaze._

_My eyes filled with tears and I opened my mouth several times, but I couldn't seem to make my voice work. Finally I stuttered, "I love you, too."_

_He pulled me closer to him and pressed his lips to mine. This wasn't our first kiss, but it was probably the best kiss we'd ever shared because of all the emotion behind it. An indeterminable amount of time later, he pulled his head back and laid it down on the pillow, pulling me with him so I was lying across his chest, cradled in his arms. As I fell asleep, my hand was pressed to my lips, trying to hold that kiss there for as long as I could._

Suddenly I'm back in the present and a weight presses against my chest when I realize I'm all alone in my bed. I can't just lay here any more, so I roll out of bed and turn on the lamp. I don't know what I'll do to pass the time. I've already watched all the middle-of-the-night infomercials, cop shows and reruns that I can stand in the past month. I can't make too much noise or I'll wake Alice, and she's already threatened to drag me to the health clinic three times this week. I know she's worried about me. All of my friends are worried about my sleepless nights and lack of appetite. I love my friends and I don't want them to worry about me. I wish there was some way I could get them to stop paying such close attention to me. Lately, they seem like they're afraid to leave me alone, as if something might happen if I have too much quiet time alone with my thoughts.

My eyes drift to the bulletin board hanging over my desk. When I first moved into my dorm room freshman year, that bulletin board had been plastered with class syllabi and brochures that had been shoved in my face during the activity fair my second day on campus. Now it was covered with pictures of us, of the many crazy adventures we'd shared. I've come such a long way from the person I was when I left for college. One particular moment comes to mind, that fateful first day of Freshman Composition.

_I breathed deeply and paused a moment before I opened the door to the classroom. _Okay_, I thought to myself, _I'm going to go in there standing up straight_. _I'm going to make eye contact with the other students. I'm going to smile at people and answer them if they talk to me. And I'm NOT going to trip. _Fat chance of any of those things coming true! I thought I must be the most shy, clumsy person ever to walk the earth. I'd have to check the world record book. That would give me an excuse to make a trip to the library and avoid my dorm room for another hour. It wasn't that I didn't like my new roommate. She was incredibly friendly, just a lot more than I was used to._

_I grew up in many different places. My mom is what some would call a "free spirit," if they were being nice. She is kind and thoughtful, but she's also spacey and forgetful. She's spontaneous, never staying in one place too long. She left my father when I was three and in the years that followed, we moved all over the country. The longest we ever stayed in one place was nine months. After we'd been somewhere for awhile, Mom would start to get bored and restless and begin to search for the next great adventure. I was the one who made sure the bills were paid on time and there was food in the house. I learned to take care of myself at a very young age. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother. Moving around as much as we did, I never made any close friends, so she was my best friend and closest confidante. She just wasn't very good at the whole maternal thing. When I was sixteen, Mom met Phil, a minor-league baseball player ten years younger than her. Surprisingly, he was the complete opposite of all of the other men she'd dated in the past. Phil was solid and steady, a lot more like me than my mother, but the two of them just seemed to work. Phil was on the road a lot and I knew Mom missed him when she was home with me, so I chose to move in with my dad during my junior year of high school. I left behind the booming metropolis of sunny Phoenix for the rainy dreariness of small-town Forks, Washington._

_My dad and I are incredibly alike, both quiet and independent. After you've spent five minutes with him, you can tell why my mom and dad didn't work as a couple. But Dad was okay to live with. He appreciated my cooking after years of being a bachelor and he basically left me alone to do my own thing. I'd never really been good at making friends, not that we'd stayed anywhere long enough for me to really get to know people. All of my life, I'd spent any free time at school in the library and bolted down my lunch as quickly as possible with my nose stuck in a book, escaping the torture of the cafeteria as soon as I could. I was smart and I did well in my classes, but I didn't volunteer information unless I was called on. I preferred to draw as little attention to myself as possible. The only time people really noticed me was in Gym. This is due to the fact that I can't walk ten steps without falling down.._

_I almost opted to stay in Forks after graduation and attend community college in the nearby Port Angeles, but I knew if I didn't get out of Forks for college, I might never leave. U-Dub was the only school to offer me a full scholarship, or I never would have ended up at such a huge school. I swear I filled out a roommate profile. This was supposed to match you with someone who had a similar personality and similar habits. The person doing the matching must have been drunk and high, because my roommate was as far from me in personality as you can imagine. I had just finished unpacking when Alice burst into the room, talking a mile a minute. She grabbed me in a tight hug. I was surprised that someone so small had such a tight grip. She swore that we were going to be the best of friends. Then she somehow convinced me to help her haul all of her belongings into our tiny shared room. I still have no idea how she managed to fit all of her clothes and shoes into that tiny space and still have room for a bright pink, feathered bean bag chair. Needless to say, I was fairly speechless our first month together, but Alice talked more than enough for two people. No matter how hard I tried to convince her that I was fine the way I was, she made it her mission to socialize me. She dragged me to nearly every event and party she heard about, in an effort to discover what "made me tick." Somewhere along the way, she became someone I couldn't live without, the person I trusted with all my secrets. But I still won't let her dress me._

_Anyway, that first day of class, only my third day on campus, I was so busy worrying about how to avoid my overly spastic roommate that I didn't notice that the boy sitting in the row I was making my way across was pulling out his backpack to dig for something. My foot caught on the backpack strap and I went flying. He managed to catch me before I hit the ground, but he couldn't stop my elbow from knocking into the water bottle sitting on his desk. The open water bottle. The water bottle that ended up spilled all over his pants, and you _know_ what that looked like. I disentangled myself from his arms and backed away as quickly as I could, muttering apologies and trying to hide my flaming cheeks behind my long brown hair. I fell into a seat at the end of the row and tried to peek through my hair at him without him noticing. He was gone, but he returned a moment later, the stain on his pants still prominent. He mopped up the puddle on the floor with the paper towels he had brought with him, then plopped back into his seat. His head swiveled toward me and I looked away as fast as I could, but not before he caught me peeking. He smiled. Or maybe grimaced._

_I spent the rest of the class staring at my blank notebook, barely glancing up. Although writing is one of my favorite hobbies, I was too afraid of catching his gaze to risk looking at the teacher for more than a few seconds at a time. When the class finally ended, I bolted from my seat and made my way to the exit as quickly as possible, keeping my eyes on the floor. I was almost home free, but I slammed into something solid and felt hands grasping my upper arms. I tipped my head back and I was immediately lost in the greenest eyes I had ever seen._

"_Where are you going in such a hurry?" The sound of his rough voice made my knees wobble. He was smiling crookedly. If he hadn't been holding onto me, I might have just collapsed to the floor. No boy had ever made me tingle with just the sound of his voice and a smile. My mouth worked, but I couldn't seem to force any sound out. He grinned. "You should slow down. We wouldn't want anymore freak indoor tidal waves, would we?"_

_My face flamed and I finally found my voice. "I'm so sorry!" I mumbled. "I would take walking lessons, but the school doesn't offer any. I'll buy you a new bottle of water. And a new pair of pants. I'm really, really sorry!" I was so embarrassed that I couldn't seem to control my verbal diarrhea, but my voice trailed off as he threw back his head and laughed._

"_Don't worry about it. Could have happened to anyone."_

"_It _could _have happened to anyone, but it always happens to me." I'd managed to regain my voice, not stand there staring at him like an idiot, so I may as well just go with it._

_He chuckled again. "I take it that this happens to you pretty often?"_

_I nodded. He smiled his crooked smile and I felt something flutter in my stomach. "I'm Edward."_

"_Bella. I am. I mean that's my name, Bella." And the word vomit continued. Could I be any more stupid? But for some reason, he wasn't running screaming in the opposite direction. In fact, he was still grinning at me as if he found me amusing. Or maybe he just felt sorry for the freak who couldn't string together a proper sentence._

"_It's nice to meet you, Bella." Edward released my arms and grabbed my hand to shake. "I'd love to spend more time talking with you, but my next class is literally across campus and I have fifteen minutes to get there. Why don't you sit by me on Wednesday?"_

_I swallowed and tried to answer him, but my poor brain was too overwhelmed with his beauty to do something as difficult as actually form words, so I nodded and bit my lip. He raised his hand and brushed his fingers across my lower lip, tugging it free of my teeth. "Don't hurt yourself. You never know when you might need that lip." With a grin, he walked away. My own hand covered my mouth, as if trying to hold on to the feeling of his touch._

I shake my head and tear my gaze away from the picture of the six of us in lawn chairs at an outdoor concert my freshman year. I should take down the pictures of you. It hurts to look at them. It hurts knowing that they're there, even when I'm in another room. But for some reason, I can't find the strength to lift my hand to take them down. I am pathetic. No doubt you've already removed every trace of me from your life. I'm just waiting for Alice to come home from your apartment one day with a box full of my things. I know you won't give them to me yourself. I haven't even been able to pack up your things. They're still lying around the apartment where you left them. Your clothes, your toothbrush, the book you've been trying to get me to read for months, even your favorite movie. I know I should give them back or at least put them away, but I can't bear to erase the proof that you were actually here once, a part of my life.

Deep down, I know that putting your things away won't erase your presence from my life. Your presence is deeply embedded, like the roots of a tree under a concrete building. Your best friend is dating my best friend and roommate. Jasper has never taken either of our sides. That would go against his calm, easygoing nature. And Alice has always been on my side. She may drive me nuts sometimes, but I know I can count on her no matter what. She probably goes out of her way to make you uncomfortable when she's visiting Jasper. This thought makes me smile, just a little. My gaze lands on a framed photo of me and my mother on my dresser.

_I loved spending spring break with my mother in Florida. She and Phil are doing really well and it was nice to spend some time in the sun and heat. I never thought I'd be so happy to return to rainy Washington., but it's _him_ I'm anxious to see, not the weather. I can smell the rain as I step of the plane._

_I sat next to Edward that Wednesday, and every class after that. We talked a little, before and after class and during breaks. A few weeks later, he asked me where I came from before our class together. His class was in the same building, so we started walking together to class. We exchanged e-mails and phone numbers so that we could proofread each other's papers. We studied together for the midterm. He asked me to meet him to study over coffee. He asked me to eat lunch with him and his brother. I loved his brother Emmett. He was like a teddy bear. A giant, muscular, 300 pound teddy bear. His girlfriend Rosalie was supermodel gorgeous and completely silent, but she gave good bitch brow. I was too intimidated to look at her, so I talked to Emmett. I laughed uproariously at his imitation of Edward's childhood imaginary friend. Edward punched his brother, but he smiled anyway. Emmett found me highly amusing, especially my klutziness and my tendency to turn tomato-red after I took three sorority girls down with me. He told Edward I was a keeper and invited me to a party at his fraternity that weekend. Edward insisted on accompanying me, to "protect me from jerks."_

_Alice was thrilled with my newfound friend, mostly because his roommate was the guy she insisted she would marry someday. She invited herself along to the fraternity party, flirted shamelessly with Jasper, and somehow convinced the two guys to drive us to IHOP after the party. Then back to their suite. Alice and Jasper disappeared into his bedroom, so Edward and I got to know each other better in the common living room._

_I learned about the girl he dated for two years in high school who he lost his virginity with, then who broke his heart when she met someone "of better quality." He was cautious around girls. He didn't want to get hurt again. But he thought I was different, special. He made me feel so comfortable, I found myself confessing my darkest secrets, my shyness, loneliness, and inexperience. Somehow, this didn't scare him off. He claimed it made him like me more. Then he gave me my first kiss and asked me out on my first date._

_We spent almost all of our free time together, sometimes just the two of us or sometimes out doing crazy things with Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. I almost couldn't bring myself to be away for him for a whole week during spring break, but I missed my mom. I couldn't wait to see him again. I ran off the plane, somehow managing not to trip. My head whipped around the airport terminal, searching for his messy bronze hair. Finally I found him, grinning at me with that crooked smile. I don't remember how I got to him. One minute I was across the terminal, the next I was in his arms, smelling his familiar spicy scent, listening to his heart through his soft flannel shirt. He kissed me hard. This kiss felt different from the other kisses we had shared, somehow more important now that we knew what it was like to be separated. I put my hand against my mouth, trying to hold on to the feeling for as long as possible._

My knees buckle from the force of my memories. I'm sitting on the floor of my bedroom in the middle of the night, wearing your favorite shirt, surrounded by memories of you. I remember the first party we went to as an official couple. You know I hate to dance. It's really more for the safety of the people around me. But you insisted. You pulled me into your arms and guided my body with your own. My eyes never left yours and I danced better than I ever have, never noticing our surroundings.

I remember how nervous you were meeting my father the first time. How you shook his hand and called him sir. I remember us walking down the Main Street in Forks, your hands shoved in your pockets, taking in the very limited scenery. When my attention was fixed on the new releases in the bookstore window, you snuck up behind me and put a snowball down my back.

I remember all of the different kisses we shared. Hot and passionate, slow and sensuous, brief and affectionate. You loved to kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something, especially if Alice was involved in the conversation. I would get so exasperated with you, but now there's not a day that I don't miss those rude interruptions.

I pull my knees up to my chest. I can't even think straight. All I see of you now is a foot or an elbow in Alice's pictures before she snatches them away from me. I can't sleep without the sound of you breathing next to me. I used to stay up at night just watching you sleep. Now I stay up, literally feeling you slipping from my life more and more each day, forgetting me. I go out with our friends on the days you aren't around. I smile and pretend to be okay, faking a smile when they talk to me, straining my ears for the slightest mention of you in conversation.

I'm so angry with you, it hurts to think about you, but at the same time I can't bear the thought of you being unhappy. Three years and I can't remember what my life was like before you were in it. I can't picture my future without you there. I can't function in the present without you. I don't know how to _be_ without you. I don't know how to be something you miss.

"_I looked up plane tickets on the Internet yesterday. Southwest Airlines seems to be the best deal." I smiled. We weren't leaving for Boston for another six months, but I was too excited. I couldn't stop myself from planning every little detail of the next few years of our lives._

_Edward had gotten into medical school at Harvard, his first choice and lifelong dream. We hadn't really had an official conversation about our future, but we were graduating in three months and I couldn't see myself being separated from him. Boston had publishing houses, and surely one of them was hiring. I would settle for assistant copy editor if it meant being with him and letting him follow his dream. _

_I heard him sigh beside me on the couch. I closed my laptop and turned toward him. His face was blank and unreadable. I felt a shiver of unease. We had been together so long it was rare that I couldn't read his expression like a book. _

"_We're not going to Boston, Bella." His voice was hard and cold. Before I could ask him what he meant, he continued. "_I'm_ going to Boston in July. You're going to England."_

"_I told you, I'm turning down the fellowship. I don't want to be in boring, cold, stuffy England by myself. Boston is the only place I want to be." I couldn't get the words out fast enough._

"_You're not turning down the fellowship, Bella. You're taking it. You've been dreaming about this for as long as I can remember." Still so hard and cold, like a marble statue. He wasn't looking at me._

"_Edward, dreams change." I was beginning to feel desperate. I tried to keep my voice from breaking. "I want to be wherever you are."_

"_Where I'm going is not the right place for you."_

"_Where you are is the right place for me."_

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me."_

"_You…don't…want me?" I could barely get the words out._

"_No." The calm finality in his voice cut into me like a knife._

"_Well, that changes things," I replied dully. I couldn't believe how calm and removed my voice sounded. I couldn't feel a thing. It was like I was outside of my body, looking down on this incomprehensible scene._

_He still wasn't looking at me, like he couldn't bring himself to give me even that small bit of consideration. "I'm not good for you, Bella. I won't bother you again." He kissed me quickly, then pulled back. He stood up and strode out of my apartment without looking back. "Goodbye, Bella," I heard his voice as the door closed with a final sharp click._

_Although I couldn't really feel it, my hand was pressed to my mouth, as if it were trying to hold on to him._

_I leave for England in less than a week, but it doesn't really matter whether I'm here or there. My body goes through the motions, but it's like an empty shell. I never imagined we'd end like this. I whisper your name, then press my fingers to my lips, trying to hold on to one last piece of you. Just like a last kiss._


	2. Chapter 2

I admire people who can think of the perfect comeback right at the perfect time. I, on the other hand, mumble my way through awkward situations and think of the perfect comeback three hours after it would have been appropriate. In my head, I am like a character in the story of my own life. I always have the right response at the right time and every conversation plays out with me verbally eviscerating my opponent. I can rewrite every scene so that it plays out perfectly. If only real life played itself out like it does in my head,.

I think that's why Alice and I get along so well. I'm sure people are surprised to find out we're best friends, since we're the very definition of an odd couple. Alice is like a four-year-old on Halloween night: short, spastic, and practically vibrating, like she's on a permanent sugar high. I'm more like a toddler: constantly falling and barely able to express myself in understandable English. Alice, however, never hesitates to say exactly what's on her mind at any given time. Sometimes, this trait can get her into major trouble. Like when she met Jasper's mother for the first time and complimented her on raising such a gentleman. Her exact words were "a man who is so in tune to his partner's _needs_." Needless to say, she and Jasper's mother's relationship got off to an awkward start. Alice ends up with her foot in her mouth all the time, but this doesn't stop her from expressing her every thought to the world. I would give almost anything to be able to say what I'm thinking right when I'm thinking it. Unfortunately, I usually end up blushing and stammering my way through life and playing things out in my head.

Why am I telling you this? Because you need to know that I'm not totally out of touch with reality. I knew something was up with Edward long before he dropped the bomb. But as I do with so many other things, I chose to ignore the warning signs. I convinced myself that everything would be fine if I just ignored the red flags. Like I said earlier, the situation played itself out perfectly in my head. But not so much in real life.

Edward and I were like any other couple. We had our good times and we had disagreements. The fact that I live out 90% of my life in my head drove him nuts, which sometimes left me baffled. In my view of things, he went into our relationship knowing that I'm more than slightly insane. I take everyone's words incredibly literally and I am ridiculously neurotic. I overanalyze everything, sometimes to the point of making myself sick to my stomach. I know this about myself. I've been trying unsuccessfully to overcome it my entire life. But he said that he found this facet of my personality endearing. From when we first started dating, he could tell when I was overanalyzing something just by the wrinkle between my eyes and he was always able to talk me out of my fears. When he wasn't complaining about me being impossible to read. Clearly, our relationship was a work in progress.

While I am always quick to find fault with myself first (I know, I'm working on it) even I had to admit that my loving, supportive boyfriend was far from perfect. Whereas I tend to keep all of my worries bottled up inside, he shares his every concern with the world. And he has _many_ concerns. He worries about the cleanliness of tables at restaurants, to the point where he won't sit at one unless he has personally witnessed an employee wiping said table down with antibacterial spray. A washcloth just won't do, because this might harbor bacteria. He worries that Emmett's football career might injure his brain. Or his chances of someday making Edward an uncle. Frankly, it was a little disturbing how much he worried about his brother's future chances of reproduction. He worried about the environment to everyone he met that didn't drive a hybrid vehicle. He worried about the location of mine and Alice's apartment (not in the right neighborhood). He worried about me using my laptop anywhere but seated in my ergonomic desk chair (not enough lumbar support). He worried about my deplorable eating habits (fast food five times a week causes irregularity). He worried about my safety getting around campus when he was unable to personally escort me (for once, probably a valid concern when you take into account my inability to walk over flat surfaces without tripping). You might say that occasionally his many worries became just a bit more than I could handle and I needed some time away from him to spend with people who weren't constantly obsessed with every potential disaster that might befall him. Yes, I'll admit it, my boyfriend was slightly neurotic, in his own lovable, obsessive way.

Obviously, Edward and I had the occasional issue that we had to work through, but for the most part we were incredibly happy together. He wanted to be a doctor, the perfect occupation for someone so concerned with germs. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my future. I majored in Literature, because I have loved reading and writing all my life. When I was a kid, books were there for me through our many moves. The familiar characters took the place of the friends I was too awkward and shy to make. I thought someday I might want to write. Or edit other people's writing. Or teach college students who also loved literature. Edward has had his life planned out since he was eight. Pre-med at the University of Washington, because they have a great Science program. Then med school at Harvard, just like his father. Internship and residency at the most prestigious hospital that will accept him. Then private practice so that he has time to spend with his wife and children. A boy and a girl. He was especially adamant that he would not be the parent of two boys. Something about how older brothers are a menace and not wanting his children to be pantsed at their high school graduation. He never would come right out and say it, but I'm guessing Emmett is responsible for this particular worry.

Anyway, Edward had his future mapped out, but I was content just thinking about my future career having something to do with books and spending the rest of my life with him. For once in my life, I had something in common with my crazy, loveable mother, who had always been content to fly by the seat of her pants. I was happy to put the planning of our future in Edward's capable hands, because I always knew that his very detailed plans included a spot for me. The trouble really began when Edward encouraged me to apply for a year-long fellowship studying Shakespearean Literature at Oxford University in England. I had heard about the fellowship from my favorite lit professor in October of our senior year. I shared the news with Edward never even planning on applying. To me, the program was another lovely fantasy to play out in my head, but not something I could ever see myself going through with. Edward encouraged me to apply, so I did. The application requirements were incredibly steep and the competition would be fierce. I never dreamed that I would be chosen over so many people who I believed were incredibly more qualified than me. But I was honored to be chosen. When I got the news in January that I had been accepted into the program, I was incredibly flattered. I had no intention of accepting, but it was a pleasant memory I could tuck away in the back of my mind to pull out in the future if I ever began to feel discouraged about my talents. I made all of this incredibly clear to Edward. Or so I thought.

I began to notice subtle changes in his behavior throughout the next couple of weeks, but I convinced myself that I was imagining things. I rationalized things in my head, just like always, and soldiered right through. Edward was going to med school at Harvard and I was going with him. I would find some sort of job in publishing or editing, or maybe I would go to grad school to become a professor. When Edward was done with school, we would move for his internship and residency. Then maybe he would be offered a position back in Seattle. For once in my life, I began to plan for the long-term. I could even picture our home, with our little boy and girl. (I had to agree with Edward; I just couldn't picture raising an Emmett. Seriously, their mother is a saint!) But then I was reminded of why I never get my hopes up when Edward pulled the rug out from under my feet in one ugly, crushing scene.

The first few days after that, I couldn't even get out of bed. I finally got up when Alice threatened to call my father. Even though I was angry with Edward, I didn't want him to be shot. My father is a police officer with a low tolerance for boys who break his little girl's heart. He wouldn't hesitate to "take care of the situation." I'm pretty sure Alice was disappointed when I gave in to her threats and got out of bed. I really think she wanted to see Edward running from my father's gun. I spent the next several weeks in a fog of denial and depression. I could barely bring myself to shower or eat. This time it was Rosalie who took care of the problem. She took one look at my unwashed, undernourished self, informed me that I looked like shit and if I didn't get my ass in the shower, she was getting in with me. Emmett seemed disappointed when I didn't take her up on her offer. Rosalie told me I had to eat because only drama students can get away with the emaciated waif look. She did make allowances for me being a Literature major, saying that my unshaved look would help me fit right in with the other hippy-dippy feminists. I went through the motions of my life, mostly to keep my friends from worrying or calling my parents.

Shockingly, Alice hadn't pressed me for details about our break-up. Although her typical modus operendi is to steamroll right over any objections raised, she really is a very intuitive and empathetic friend, and I think she sensed that I was too fragile emotionally to have it out with her. She followed me around campus like a watchdog so she could protect me in case of an accidental run-in with him and she made sure our friends left his name out of conversations. I hadn't found the energy yet to turn down the fellowship. Alice and Rosalie both encouraged me to pick myself up and moving forward. Truthfully, they didn't understand the whole situation, as I hadn't shared with anyone but Edward my true feelings about the fellowship and no one else knew how ready I had been to turn it down. I know my friends would eventually have been supportive, but they had all been so surprised and pleased for me for having such an exciting opportunity. Alice especially would have raised strong objections if she knew I was even considering turning it down and that was a battle I hadn't wanted to fight until plans were finalized. Now the choice had been taken out of my hands. After a few days of serious thought, I actually began to seriously consider taking it. After all, without Edward in my life, what else did I have to look forward to? I began to make plans for a future on my own.

At this point, I wasn't anywhere near thriving, but I was beginning to rejoin the world of the living. I was hanging in there, mostly due to the fact that Emmett secretly kept me apprised of Edward's situation. Alice would have killed him if she knew he was secretly feeding my addiction, but he knew that I could only hang on to my own sanity if I knew Edward was just as miserable as I was. Alice pretended like Edward didn't exist and she made sure that anyone who dared to mention his name in my presence was cut off before they could utter the second syllable of his name. She started off as drill-sergeant supportive, but over the past few days she had become suspiciously cheerful. She became more insanely upbeat as each day passed, filling every moment with inane chatter and off-beat suggestions (I flatly refuse to play Trivial Pursuit Madonna Edition!) and I became increasingly suspicious. Finally, I was able to wear her down and she admitted that something was up. She showed me a picture of Edward's new girlfriend, a big-boobed, dyed-blonde sorority bimbo that was as opposite of me as a person can get. This put steel in my spine like nothing else could have.

I picked my self up off the floor (figuratively), shaved my legs for the first time in a month (literally), allowed Alice to dress me for the first time in our friendship (she nearly died and it's never happening again), and walked into the party at Edward and Jasper's apartment with my friends at my side and my head held high. He was sitting next to _her_ on one of the ratty couches, looking like he was constipated. I thought maybe it had finally occurred to him just how many germs the future hooker was harboring.

In my head, our story had always been just as epic as my beloved Austen novels. We would tell our grandchildren the story of how we met and the sparks flew instantly. In my mind, in that dark time, my story began when he entered the picture and ended when he took himself out of the pages. I couldn't imagine my part replaced by this girl, but reality was now staring me in the face. I pulled at my clothes nervously and tried to look busy. Anything to avoid looking like a lovesick stalker. This wasn't turning out to be the page-turner I had built it up to be in my mind.

Suddenly, I realized the truth. I hadn't come her to prove to him that I was moving on just like he was. I had come hoping that he would take one look at me and realize the error of his ways. I had been holding onto hope because I hadn't seen him since _that day. I had thought that when we finally came face to face, he would suddenly realize how lost he was without me and everything would work out with a storybook ending. But the truth is, I'm not living in my head. I never have been. And real life rarely ends the way my beloved stories do. He had always been my hero, the Darcy to my Elizabeth. I had never truly seen his flaws, like I was seeing them now. His concern had always been endearing and I had always enjoyed feeling protected and cared for. But now I saw the other side of him, the side that constantly needed to be in control. The side that threw away everything when it didn't live up to his exacting expectations. The storybook image shattered before me. For the first time, I wasn't living inside my head, waiting to find the courage that everyone else took for granted. I was living in the moment, seeing the man I had loved for the person he really was, flaws and all._

_He looked everywhere but at me and I couldn't look away from him. The room was full of people, but I was alone here with him. For weeks he had held so much power over me. The knowledge that he was getting on with his life while I could barely breathe without pain had made me a prisoner. But I suddenly felt incredibly free. His hold over me was gone, almost as if it had never existed in the first place. Maybe I could forgive him if he actually seemed like he cared. If he was willing to fight for us. But he wasn't a storybook hero. There would be no happy ending for us. Maybe this story was destined to end as a tragedy, but I no longer cared. I turned around and left with my head held high. I was ready to write my own ending._


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note:

Sorry for the fake-out but I have to say a few things before I update with a new post.

I updated the first two chapters of Last Kiss and the first chapter of Far Away because the timelines didn't completely match up. Hopefully now the stories make a little more sense in connection with one another. I know some of you are wondering why Bella has been completely miserable and now she seems to be completely recovered, but I assure you, Bella is still very upset. She'll still be dealing with her issues over the break-up in the next few chapters, maybe longer, depending on where these characters take me. In this chapter, she experienced one of those shocking moments we have all had, where suddenly you see things in a different way then before. She has realized some things about herself and Edward that she wasn't able to see before because at first she was blinded by love, then she was too upset. This doesn't mean she's over Edward and it will still be a long time before she sorts through her feelings completely. If you have enjoyed my crazy ramblings so far, please stick with me. This story will eventually have a HEA, because I am Team Edward all the way and I can't stand leaving my characters miserable forever.

Thank you to those of you who have added my humble little story to your Favorites. I started this because it was cathartic for me. I never imagined anyone else would actually enjoy my writing. If you're feeling generous, please leave a Review. I would love your feedback.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.


	4. Chapter 4

I poke my neighbor in the ribs. "Are you asleep?"

Tyler rolls his eyes. "Every time I come close to getting a bit of shut-eye, you're poking me and waking me back up again. It's an eight-hour flight, Bella. You're goin' to have to relax at some point." He takes my hand and starts to rub soothing circles against my palm with his thumb. This and the gentle lilt of his Irish accent began to soothe my jangled nerves.

I had been living in England for nearly three years now, and I had been home for a few visits in that time, but this visit was different. This visit would bring me face to face with _him _for the first time since I had whirled around and ran out of his apartment, determined to hold my head high and start living my life on my own terms. I was proud of myself for all that I had accomplished in the past three years, but even that couldn't make the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach go away.

I had rushed out of the apartment that he shared with Emmett that day without even telling Alice I was leaving. I sent her a text message when I got back to our place that I was fine and she should have fun and not worry about me. Then I flew around the apartment, packing only the most necessary items. I knew that I couldn't stay in Seattle a moment longer. If I saw my friends or sat down long enough to really think things through, I might lose the fragile momentum to move forward with my life that had built inside me the moment I locked eyes with him. My newfound strength was tenuous at best and I wasn't ready to put it to the test just yet. If I could just get myself out of Seattle and keep my eyes focused on the future, maybe I would make it through. I hurriedly booked myself a red-eye flight to Jacksonville and called my mother to warn her I was coming from the cab to the airport. I called my father during the brief wait before my flight and asked him if he could drive down to Seattle next weekend to collect the remainder of my possessions and store them at his house in Forks. It had been nearly four weeks, but I hadn't yet told my parents about the break-up. When I had spoken to them on the phone, I had kept the conversations brief, explaining that I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do next year, but I was thinking things through and would let them know when I made up my mind. Needless to say, they were both shocked when I filled them in on what had actually been going on in the past few weeks. My father, who like me has difficulty expressing his emotions, gruffly told me that he was proud of me and wished me the best. My mother supported my decision whole-heartedly as she had all my life.

I hadn't taken the time to form a long-term plan in my rush to get out of Seattle, so I used long flight to Jacksonville to sort out my next steps in my head. I had never officially declined the fellowship at Oxford. During the last few months of our relationship, he would become tense and upset whenever I brought the subject up and he wouldn't hear of me giving it up, so I had eventually stopped mentioning it, hoping to avoid a fight. I realized that I had been so busy walking on eggshells trying to keep him happy and avoid the ugly scene that happened anyway that I hadn't ever truly considered England as an option. After the break-up, I was barely functioning and thinking about the future would have required too much energy, so I just continued to put off making a decision. Alice had taken over the planning for me, opening my mail, arranging my travel plans and keeping me informed the entire time. Even though I had tried to tune her out, some of the details had snuck through. She had always been in favor of me taking the fellowhip, and had pushed for it even when my mind was set on a future with him. After the break-up, when she had to take over for my nonfunctioning self, she kept telling me that someday I would be glad that I hadn't missed this opportunity. She had encouraged me to attend that awful party because she thought it would give me the closure I needed to finally take the next step. It seemed she was right. My departure date for England was in three days. Though I only had the bare minimum of necessary possessions, I could get the rest of what I needed in Jacksonville and finish my travel preparations there. I had the passport Alice had arranged for me and the only thing I would need to do was change my departure location from Seattle to Jacksonville.

By the time I got off the plane, I had ten texts and four voice mails from Alice, each one more frantic than the others. I got a cab and called her on the way to my mother's house. Needless to say, she was furious that I had left without telling her.

"Bella, re you alright? Charlie said that you were visiting your mother. What's going on? Answer me, damn it!" she shrieked, all in one breath.

"Alice, calm down. I'll answer you'll take a second to breathe. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I just couldn't handle being there with him anymore. I may have overreacted just a little."

"A _little_! You didn't come home last night! I was so worried! I kept trying to call you, but after a few hours of not hearing back I started calling people all over campus to find out if they'd seen you! I called the hospital and the police department! Then finally I got ahold of your dad and he at least had some information. He's not too friendly when you wake him up at one in the morning. You're lucky I didn't have a heart attack, Bella! Now get your ass back on a plane and get back here! You only have three days before you leave for good!"

"Alice, I'm so sorry that I caused you to worry, but I'm not coming back." I made my voice as strong as possible, trying to get across to her that this was one of the rare occasions where I wouldn't be backing down, no matter how hard she tried.

"What do you mean? I know you're upset, Bella, but running away won't solve anything. We have things we need to do before you leave." Her voice sounded plaintive.

"I'm not running away, Alice. I'm moving forward. You're the one who's been pushing me to do this for months."

"But you can't leave without…you'll miss…you just can't leave yet!" she stammered.

"It sucks that I won't be able to say goodbye to you guys in person, but I'm not leaving forever. I'll be back at Christmas and maybe you guys can visit England before then." I fought back the rising panic in my chest. I knew I had to stay strong, stay in control of the situation. If I gave into Alice, I would lose the tiny bit of control of my life that I had just managed to gain and I could end up sliding back into the dark hole of depression I had been living in for weeks.

"Bella, you don't understand. Edward-"

I cut her off. "Don't say his name, Alice! I can't talk about him right now!"

"But-"

"No! Don't try to change my mind! For once I'm going to do things my way! I know the past few weeks have been pretty much a nightmare and I love you for being there for me. But I need to this for myself right now. Thank you for being such an amazing friend. I'm going to miss you. I love you. I'll call you when I get to England." I hung up the phone.

The three days with my mother flew by in a whirlwind of activity, but I could feel myself getting stronger each moment. When I got to England and began to settle in, I felt some trepidation but for the first time in my life I was able to push it aside and really live in the moment. I loved the classes I was taking. Studying Shakespearean literature felt so different, so much more important in his birth country. I could almost feel his presence as a constant inspiration. My professors were brilliant and fascinating and I developed close relationships with most of them, especially my advisor. I really enjoyed the undergraduate class I was teaching, helping others discover what I loved so much about literature. And I really loved the other members of my program.

Angela, coincidentally, happened to have grown up less than three hours away from where my father lived in Washington and had done her undergraduate work at Washington State. She was the most like me in personality, quiet and shy until you really got to know her. However, she lacked my reserve and biting sarcasm. Everyone loved her because she never had anything negative to say. Kate was Canadian, bright, friendly, bubbly and outgoing. She reminded me a lot of Alice, but not quite as overwhelming when you first met her. Gianna was from Italy and she perfectly epitomized how I pictured Italian women. She was cool, reserved, and extremely sophisticated. She took a long time to warm up, but she was fiercely protective of her friends. Tyler was the final member of our group and the only male surrounded by females, a fact he very much enjoyed. He had a great sense of humor, and his easygoing nature was a great compliment to the "sea of hormones," as he called us.

When I first met them, I almost fell back into my usual pattern of retreating into my head and pushing others away, but I really fought hard against that. I was trying to grow as a person and I knew that Oxford was my chance for a fresh start. At first, I had to force myself out of my shell, to go out with them and be sociable. After awhile I got to know them and we became extremely comfortable around one another. I eventually discovered that it wasn't so difficult to be a more sociable person. I was determined to get the most out of this experience, so I accepted every opportunity and invitation that came my way. The five of us met for lunch every day to discuss our undergraduate classes. We studied together at all hours, spending hours debating our course material. We went to the local pubs most evenings and spent even more time discussing every topic under the sun. Most weekends we made the trip into London to take in the tourist attractions, go shopping, to the theater, and often stayed in the dance club until the wee hours of the morning. We traveled as much as possible, short trips around Great Britain on weekends, and longer trips onto the Continent when we had more time. We visited Denmark, Belgium, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin, Vienna, Rome, Venice, Athens, and so many other places. We stayed in horrible hotels and youth hostels, spent all day soaking up the sights and stayed out drinking until all hours. It was the most fun I have ever had in my life.

My fellowship was over after a year, but I loved England so much that I decided to apply to Oxford to complete my doctorate. With the enthusiastic compliments of my undergraduate students and glowing recommendations from my professors, I was accepted. Gianna and Angela returned home, but Kate settled in nearby London and Tyler joined me in the graduate program at Oxford. I visited Kate on the weekends and made the trip to Florence to see Gianna once every couple of months. I visited Angela in Washington when I was back for Christmas. Although we were separated geographically, our group remained as tight-knit as ever.

During my time abroad, I kept in touch with Alice through frequent phone calls, weekly Skype chats, and nearly hourly e-mails. I made the trip back to Washington and stayed for nearly a month every Christmas. Alice had taken the leisurely road to graduation, so she visited me during the spring break of her second senior year. That summer I was busy traveling with my new friends, but the next summer Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and even Emmett stayed with me for three days, then we all spent two weeks backpacking our way through mainland Europe, one of the most amazing trips of my life.

My first year in England, I dated here and there, but I was mostly too busy with my studies, teaching, travels, and my newfound friends to pursue anything serious. The second year, when Tyler and I were left alone, we spent most of our time together and became extremely close. After awhile, our friendship grew into something more. We dated for over a year, but when graduation approached, we both agreed that we couldn't see ourselves together long-term and we were better off as friends. Although we stopped seeing each other officially, we maintained a relationship that people might describe as "friends with benefits."

In conversations and during visits, my friends from home never mentioned _his _name. I never asked for information and they never offered. Tyler and the girls knew about him, the basic story of how my heart had been broken. It had poured out at the pub one evening after way too many beers. Once, right after I left, Alice had tried to tell me that he wanted to talk to me, that he had something important to tell me. I wasn't ready to face him yet, so I blew it off and asked her not to mention his name to me until I'd had some more time and space. The topic was never brought up again. When I first arrived, I felt like I was throwing myself into new activities and socialization to escape the hurt. I tried to keep myself busy so that I didn't have time to dwell on the past. Eventually, my playacting turned into a deep passion for the work I was doing and love for my new friends. The past became easier to deal with and I could think about him, even look at pictures of him without pain. In some way, I forgave him for what he had done. I began to realize that his need to have constant control and my timidity and desperate desire to please others hadn't been a healthy combination. No matter what, we would have ended up hurting each other. I could admit to myself and others that maybe we were never meant to be. I could even think about the good times we had together and smile. But the one thing I couldn't get over was the fact that he had made my decisions for me. No matter what angle I looked at it from, I was still angry at him for backing me into a corner and forcing my hand. He should have talked to me, shared his concerns and listened to mine, not just taken over my life and left me in the cold. I didn't regret my decision to leave, but it still burned that I'd never really been given the opportunity to choose.

So now here I sit on a plane to Seattle, my return home. I graduated with my doctorate two weeks ago and just accepted a position teaching English literature at a small liberal arts college in Tacoma. I will be staying with my father for the summer while I get thing in order for my job in the fall. When school starts, I will share an apartment with Rosalie. She and Emmett had moved to Los Angeles after graduation when he was offered an amazing coaching opportunity. Several years of his incredibly demanding job and infertility issues had led to a very recent, very ugly break-up. This was bound to cause some tension at Jasper and Alice's upcoming wedding. Alice had asked Rosalie, Jasper's twin sister, to be a bridesmaid. Emmett was also invited to the wedding because he was a good friend of both the bride and groom. His entire family would be there because they had known Jasper their entire lives. His little brother was Jasper's best friend and best man. And I was the maid-of-honor. Another potentially very awkward situation. Weeks before we would be living in the same city, I was going to have to walk down the aisle at my best friend's wedding paired with _him. I keep telling myself that I can do this. I'm over him, it's water under the bridge and any other cliché that fit's the situation. I brought Tyler along for moral support, and maybe to illustrate the fact that I've moved on. I think I'm ready to face him. I guess we'll find out soon._


	5. Chapter 5

Alice Brandon smiled in relief. She had left the dress shop after the final fitting for her wedding dress. Everything was coming together perfectly. She couldn't wait to be Jasper's wife and have all of the stress of wedding planning behind them. After everything that had happened in the past year, she was ready to enjoy her honeymoon and settle peacefully into married life. They just had to get through the wedding first.

Alice had spent the past few years working as a buyer for a major department store in Seattle. She had begun her career by handling small regional accounts, but had proven herself and moved up through the ranks to take on several national accounts. The job involved a lot of travel and challenging tasks that kept her on her toes. Recently, the owners of the store had agreed to allow a limited line of Alice's own designs to be shown in the store, with the promise of expanding if it proved to be successful. Jasper had finished his doctorate in U.S. History last month. He had been absorbed in researching and writing his dissertation for almost a year. He had used his dissertation research to write a book proposal, which had just been accepted. The first three chapters were due to the publisher three months after they returned from their honeymoon in Greece. Most people might have groaned at the thought of more research and writing after years of being a student, but Jasper was thrilled. When people were getting to know Alice, they were shocked to meet her fiance and discover that the love of her life was happiest when his nose was buried in a book. People wondered how someone as bubbly and vivacious as Alice could be happy with someone as quiet and reserved as Jasper. Just like people wondered how someone as quiet and reserved as Bella could be Alice's best friend.

Alice had a brief and simple explanation for why the two people she was closest to in the world were her exact opposite. How would someone else exactly like her in personality, she asked, be able to stand spending time with her? Two people like that would drive each other insane within hours. She was lucky to have found both a soul mate and best friend who complimented her perfectly and helped to calm her with their mere presence in her life. It might seem to the casual observer that she was the driving force in both of those relationships, but truly Jasper and Bella provided her with quiet stability and two unwavering souls on which she could always count, and she was eternally grateful to have both of them in her life, although Bella's presence had been very scarce, her having spent the majority of the past few years overseas. But the friendship they shared was too important to either of them to let go of. Both Alice and Bella had worked hard to maintain the level of closeness they had shared as roommates by visiting one another as often as possible and filling the time in between visits with calls, texts, e-mails, and Skype chats. A day didn't go by where Alice didn't communicate with Bella at least several times in one form or another. They shared every detail of their lives with one another, and often their communications consisted of trading snarky one-line comments about the trivial events in their daily lives.

There was only one bone of contention between the best friends: Edward. Bella had been boarding a plane to escape her life in Seattle just as Edward had finally been convinced to attempt to work things out with her. When he learned of Bella's flight, he had been ready to follow her to Jacksonville, even to England if necessary, but Alice had stopped him. Her heart had been breaking for Bella when the truth behind the break-up finally came out, and she had been so hopeful that her two good friends could work things out, maybe even maintain a long-distance relationship. But Bella had shut her down every time she even mentioned Edward's name. Bella had hung up on her when she tried to get her to talk about him during that first call from Jacksonville. She hadn't called Alice again for several days, not until she had arrived in England and she had ignored Alice's many calls and texts in the days before she left. A week later, Alice had tried to broach the subject again, tried to rush the explanation about Edward finally coming to his senses into the conversation before her best friend could catch up to her, but the moment Edward was mentioned, Bella again ended the conversation. The third time Alice mentioned his name, Bella laid down her terms. She would end any conversation the second his name was brought up from here on out and if Alice couldn't respect her wishes, their friendship would have to be put on hold until she could. For the sake of peace, Alice agreed to the terms. With a heavy heart, she had informed Edward of Bella's decision and encouraged him to give her time and space to cool down. Eventually, she assured him, Bella would be ready to hear what he had to say. But it turned out that Alice was wrong. Bella had stuck to her guns about her "no Edward" rule, extending it to all of their mutual friends when she visited home and they visited her. She had set up some sort of elaborate warning system with Emmett that kept her informed of which holidays Edward would spend in Seattle, so she was always able to avoid his presence when she returned home for a brief visit. Emmett had reacted to the break-up like a protective older brother, only as if he were Bella's big brother , not Edward's. He did his best to make sure that Bella was protected from Edward's presence and his memories. As far as Alice knew, Bella knew the bare minimum about Edwards's life. Bella was aware that Edward had recently graduated from Harvard Medical School and had accepted an internship at Seattle Memorial Hospital in order to be closer to his parents and friends. Although they hadn't talked about it, Alice figured Bella had finally decided she was ready to be in the same city as Edward and maybe had even managed to put the past behind her. She hoped that was the case. It would certainly make Jasper and Alice's lives easier.

Alice was thrilled, not only to be marrying the man of her dreams, but that her best friend would be with her to share that day, and would be staying in Seattle permanently with the acceptance of a job in nearby Tacoma. Bella would be house-sitting for Alice and Jasper while they went on their honeymoon, then moving in with Rosalie once they found an apartment that would suit the both of them. Although Alice and Jasper's lives had been incredibly busy lately, between him finishing school, her travels for work, and the many challenges of planning a wedding, the majority of the stress in both their lives stemmed from the breakdown of Emmett and Rosalie's marriage. Both of them had tried to remain neutral when the other couple began having problems. It was especially hard for Jasper, as he wanted to support his sister, but Emmett was his best friend's older brother and his own close friend. Jasper couldn't remember a time when Emmett and Rosalie hadn't been together in some form.

Jasper, Emmett, Edward and Rosalie had all grown up together in Seattle. The Hale family had moved down the street from the Cullens when Edward and Jasper were in kindergarten. Rosalie was in second grade, Emmett in third. He had tried to help her one day when she fell off the swings at recess. She had informed him that she could take care of herself, punched him for calling her a girl, then put her arm around him to comfort him when he cried. From then on they were inseparable. They began mooning over each other in junior high, became impossible to be around as lovesick teenagers in high school and were a rock-solid couple by the time she moved in with him as a freshman in college. They had run off to Vegas after she graduated and settled into the same apartment they'd shared with Edward as nauseatingly happy newlyweds. He'd been coaching high school football in Seattle and she'd had an entry-level position with a chemical engineering firm. Three years later, his career had taken a huge step forward when he was offered an assistant coaching position at the university level in Los Angeles. Rosalie had decided not to look for a job after the move so they could concentrate on starting the family they both wanted. The next three years had been a downward spiral for the couple. Emmett's constant travel for work and struggles with infertility had placed huge stresses on their relationship. They were both incredibly passionate people. This had been wonderful for their relationship once upon a time, but soon it only widened the distance between them and added fuel to the fire of their nasty blowout arguments. Rosalie was on the phone nearly every day with Alice or Jasper, crying about her loneliness, her longing for a baby, and the many fights between her and Emmett. The more miserable she became, the more Emmett withdrew into his work. She had felt incredibly isolated without a job and very few connections in Los Angeles. Finally, she couldn't handle the stress and two months ago, she had moved back to Seattle and filed for divorce. She was staying with her parents until Bella returned. She had taken a job with the same firm she had worked for before she left Seattle and was slowly beginning to rebuild her life as a single woman. Rosalie was extremely angry over the break-up, but mostly bitter that she was unable to have the baby she so desperately wanted. Sometimes her presence was difficult to bear. Sometimes Jasper and Alice felt guilty for being excited about beginning their life together when Rosalie's marriage had just fallen apart. Alice hoped that Bella's return would begin to ease some of Rosalie's pain.

The wedding would be the first time Emmett and Rosalie would come face-to-face after she had walked out and served him with divorce papers. The wedding would also be the first time Bella and Edward had come face-to-face in four years, and neither of them had dealt with the emotional baggage their relationship had caused. Alice knew Bella was planning to bring Tyler along. She had met Tyler and liked him a lot. His laidback sense of humor was a good match for Bella and he clearly had a great deal of affection for Alice's best friend. The last Alice had heard from Bella, she and Tyler were no longer officially dating, but had settled into a "friends with benefits" type of relationship. Alice wasn't sure if Bella was bringing him along so she'd have a familiar face or if she was trying to prove something to Edward. Either way, she was worried. Jasper had been keeping tabs on Edward's relationship status over the phone as well. Edward had recently ended a fairly long-term relationship with a fellow med student in Boston because he didn't feel like the relationship was serious enough to try long-distance. He wasn't serious about anyone new, but he was planning to bring a date, someone who worked for Seattle Memorial, whom he had met briefly on a recent visit. So Bella and Edward would both have dates for the wedding. Emmett and Rosalie would both be dateless. Emmett was too absorbed in work to consider meeting someone new and Rosalie was too bitter toward the entire male species for anyone to have the courage to even suggest dating to her.

Alice realized that the members of her wedding party's lives sounded like fodder for a soap opera. No matter what happened, her wedding would be anything but boring.


	6. Chapter 6

My eyes darted frantically around the Sea-Tac International terminal. I bounced on the balls of my feet like the time when I was six and I had discovered where my mom hid the Halloween county and had devoured half of the stash before she found out. It seemed I had lost control of my own body. Finally I my eyes landed on a bright, garish sign that read, "Welcome Home, Bella!" It barely stuck up above the heads of the people milling around the terminal because the sign holder was so much shorter than everyone around her. Not considering my natural clumsiness, I threw myself into the jumble of people and tried to make my way through the crowd. I had almost reached Alice when I tripped over a random passerby's foot. I didn't exactly hit the ground because my tiny best friend broke my fall and we landed on the ground in a tangle of limbs, covered in a shower of glitter from the now wrinkled welcome sign. I threw my arms around her. Screw the floor, I hadn't seen my best friend in person in nearly a year.

I heard loud laughter from somewhere above us and looked up to see both Jasper and Tyler doubled over laughing. Both Alice and I gave them the hairy eyeball and they both attempted to keep a straight face as they helped us to our feet. "Still graceful as ever, Bella," Jasper guffawed.

"Shut it, Assper. I haven't finished writing my speech for the toasts yet, and there are plenty of stories you might not want me to include."

"Sorry, Bells. What can I do to make it up to you?" .

"You can take Tyler to baggage claim and carry my luggage for me while wifey and I get some coffee and relax."

"Your wish is my command." He gave a mock bow, then headed in the direction of baggage claim with Tyler. The guys were smiling and elbowing each other. Tyler mimed a fall, no doubt they were reliving my graceful reunion with Alice. I rolled my eyes and linked arms with her.

"Come on, shorty. Let's leave the men to their work."

Alice and I ordered bad coffee from a restaurant in the terminal and sat down at a suspiciously sticky table to catch up. She filled me in on the latest wedding details and gave me the latest update in the Emmett-Rosalie saga. Emmett was scheduled to arrive in Seattle tomorrow. He would be staying with his parents while he was here. The rehearsal dinner was in two days and Alice was hoping that Rosalie and Emmett would be able to be in the same room without war erupting. "You had to go and stock your bridal party with two sets of exes," I couldn't resist teasing her.

"It's not my fault that our group of friends has more drama, hook-ups and break-ups than a season of Grey's Anatomy! At this point, my sister seems like the most normal member of the bridal party!"

"Is she still obsessed with those vampire books?"

"They made movies out of a few of the books and now she's obsessed with the actor that plays the lead vampire. She's planning a trip to something called Comic Con this summer so she can get his autograph."

I laughed. "At least this time her obsession is actually a real person."

Alice smiled at the thought of her flighty sister. "Not that Cynthia's life isn't fascinating, but we've been so worried about how Rosalie will act with Emmett here that we haven't talked about you. Are you going to be okay?"

I thought I knew where she was going with this, but maybe I could throw her off track. "I'm fine. Now, seriously, what are you going to do if Rosalie melts down in the middle of your rehearsal dinner?"

"Don't try to change the subject, Isabella Marie! You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about. When I told you about Edward moving back to Seattle two weeks ago, you couldn't get off the phone fast enough and ever since then you change the subject when I try to bring it up. That might work when you're thousands of miles away, but you can't get away from me now. Are you really okay with everything that's happening? Do you mind being paired up with him at the wedding? Are you going to be able to live in the same city as him?"

I sighed. "Alice, if you want me to answer a question, you have to stop and breathe."

"Okay, fine. But really, are you going to be okay?"

This was the moment I had been dreading. As excited as I was for my return home, I knew Alice wouldn't hesitate to ask me the hard questions and I wasn't sure how to answer them. Fortunately, before my nosy best friend could press me for more information, Tyler and Jasper returned, toting our luggage. They both looked a little battered.

"Did the baggage claim kick your macho asses?" I joked.

Jasper huffed. "Joke all you want, I'm never going back there again! Alice, we're going to have figure out a new honeymoon location, somewhere we can drive to."

"What happened?" I asked.

Tyler snickered. "Some old lady thought Jasper was trying to steal her suitcase, so she stopped him with her purse. It looked heavy."

Jasper nodded in agreement, looking traumatized. "I think she was packing a brick in there! How did they miss that in the security check?"

Alice cooed over Jasper and tried to reassure him of his masculinity, while I razzed him endlessly about being bested by an old lady all the way back to the car. Once our bags were loaded, Alice and Jasper climbed in front, Tyler and I in the back. Tyler had never visited the United States before and he was staring out his window, taking in all the sights. My attention was drawn to Alice and Jasper, who were having an intimate moment. Their hands were clasped over the console and she was leaning over to whisper something in his ear as he drove. I could see him smile tenderly at her words in the rearview mirror. Watching them together caused a lump to form in my throat. They had always been this way, completely sure of each other and their relationship, never shy about showing their affection, no matter who was around. I envied them this.

Even though Alice was now distracted from her earlier line of questioning, I knew she wouldn't give up. I wouldn't be able to avoid answering her questions at some point, because she would badger me until she was satisfied. The truth was, I wasn't sure how to answer her. I wasn't sure how I was feeling about seeing him again. It was easier to focus on Rose's drama and ignore my own inner turmoil. For so long, I thought I had moved on and even mostly forgiven him for everything that had happened. So much time had passed and I was a completely different person then I had been when we were together. I was so much stronger and more sure of myself now. But just the thought of seeing him again had me shaken to my very foundation. Could I handle it? And, more importantly, was I truly over him? A weight settled in the pit of my stomach as I realized that I couldn't answer that last question with a firm no. Some part of me was still in love with Edward Cullen.

**AN: I know you are probably anxious for Edward and Bella to see each other again! Unfortunately, I can't tell you when that will happen, because I am really struggling with that chapter. I'm not happy with anything I've written so far and I can't share it until I know that it's the best that it can be. If anyone would like to offer their services as a pre-reader, or just shoot some ideas my way, please PM me. Please! I could really use the help. Thanks again to everyone who is sticking with me.**


	7. Chapter 7

Rosalie Hale sighed. Tomorrow her kid brother would marry the love of his life. She would stand next to the happy couple, across from the man who had wrecked her life. The same man she'd once promised to stand beside for better or for worse. For better or for worse didn't extend to a woman who wasn't whole. The image she projected to the outside world, the flawless looks and icy personality masked the greatest flaw that any woman could have. She couldn't have children. The cysts on her ovaries made her chances of conceiving a child naturally nearly impossible. Rosalie found it ironic that the one thing she wanted so desperately was the one thing she could never have. The one thing that had led to the disintegration of her marriage.

Emmett had been her rock for her entire life, the one person she could always depend on. Her parents were both extremely focused on their careers, and while they loved their children, they didn't have a very good idea how to express that in a traditional nurturing way. They had always been more focused on their children's accomplishments and pushing them to excel at anything they attempted. Rosalie had learned at a very young age that failure was not an option. Sometimes the pressure she placed on herself was even greater than the pressure she felt from her parents. Her drive to succeed often made her come off as abrasive and pushed others away. Her model good looks also created distance between herself and others. Boys had always either treated her as a sex object or been intimidated by her looks and girls were jealous of her looks and take-charge attitude. Consequently, very few people got to know the real Rosalie. Growing up, Emmett, Jasper, and Edward had been the only people she was comfortable being herself around. Later on, that had extended to Alice and Bella, but those relationships had taken a long time to form. Emmett's laid-back attitude and sense of humor had always been Rosalie's one soft place to land, her escape from the many pressures she faced.

She hadn't thought twice about accepting his impromptu proposal and wild suggestion of running off to Vegas to get married the day after they graduated college. They'd settled into married life without any problems, both happy building their careers and enjoying their time as newlyweds. When he was offered the position in Los Angeles three years later, he had been hesitant to accept, content with their lives in Seattle and afraid to move away from their friends and families, despite the incredible boost this would give his career. Rosalie had been the one to encourage him to accept the position. The timing had seemed perfect. His career was taking off and the new position would provide an incredible salary boost just when they were getting ready to start a family. She decided not to look for another job in L.A., spending the first few months there looking for a house, organizing their move, and getting the house in order. Once the dust had settled they started trying for the baby she so desperately wanted.

The first six months with no pregnancy were slightly stressful, but her doctor assured her it could take up to a year to conceive. The next six months were rougher and she really had to work to relax and keep her eye on the prize. When the year marker came and went and Rosalie still wasn't pregnant, both she and Emmett had gone to their doctors for a full check-up, and Rosalie had received the news about her infertility. She and Emmett had agreed to try fertility drugs for a year before they discussed any other options. The next year had been one of the worst times of Rosalie's life. She was furious that she'd spent her whole life pushing herself to achieve one goal after another, and now her own body was failing her. She tried not to take her frustrations out on her husband, but sometimes it was incredibly difficult. Her life became absorbed with tracking her monthly cycle and giving herself injections of fertility drugs. She obsessively researched every piece of information that existed relating to the best way to get pregnant. Her and Emmett's once incredibly active sex life was reduced to scheduling and precise positioning, becoming more of a chore than a connection shared between two people that loved each other. His job became a bone of contention between the two because the long hours and travel interfered with her baby-making schedule. As time went on, he seemed to use work as an excuse to spend more and more time away from home.

When the year deadline approached, Rosalie informed Emmett that she was ready to begin invitro fertilization treatments. Emmett told Rosalie that he wanted to take some time off from trying to conceive, claiming that they both needed time to recover from the extreme stress of the last year before beginning the invasive procedures that would probably only increase their stress levels. Rosalie hadn't even been able to listen to him, too absorbed in preparing for the next step, but he was unwilling to back down and refused to participate in the procedures. They were both passionate people and their fights had always been loud, over-the-top and over almost as quickly as they began., but this fight was one for the record books. Rosalie had walked out and spent nearly a week at a hotel before she was calm enough to try talking to him again. The next conversation resulted in Emmett explaining that he had become increasingly unhappy in their marriage over the past year and he couldn't live with the stress that trying for a baby placed them under. He needed some time and breathing room before he would even think about starting the process again. Looking back now, Rosalie realized he had a valid point, but at the time all she could see was the man she loved denying her the one thing in the world that she wanted the most. Not only had her own body let her down, now her husband was against her too. He must blame her for her failure as a woman, because she certainly blamed herself. In a blind fury, she packed her bags and flew home to Seattle to stay with her parents. She'd refused to take his calls for a week before he finally stopped trying. Two weeks later she filed for divorce.

Rosalie had been in Seattle for nearly two months. Living with her parents was stifling her, but she'd been able to get her old job back and she was planning to find an apartment with Bella after the dust from the wedding settled. Since her return, she'd thrown herself into her job and helping her future sister-in-law with wedding plans to avoid having to dwell on the failure of her marriage. Emmett hadn't tried to contact her since the divorce papers had been filed. He hadn't contested her on any of her demands and seemed to want everything to move as quickly and smoothly as possible. Rosalie suspected that her brother had been in contact, as the two were good friends, but she couldn't bring herself to ask Jasper about it. She already felt guilty for how much she'd leaned on Alice and Jasper over the past few months. She knew she'd been high maintenance, but she just couldn't seem to stop herself from ranting and railing at the injustices in her life. Over the past few weeks, she'd begun to calm down and gain some perspective, even realizing that the breakdown of her marriage had been mostly her fault. She realized that her behavior had left Emmett with very few options on how to react. She'd forced herself to control her anger and try to put on a positive attitude for the sake of Alice and Jasper. She'd promised Alice that she could handle seeing Emmett as part of the wedding party. A large part of her was looking forward to it.

The last few days leading up to the wedding had been interesting. Rosalie was doing her best to be positive and supportive toward Alice, trying to be there whenever she was needed. Alice had smiled gratefully at her soon-to-be sister-in-law quite a few times and thanked her for her help. Rosalie was often paired with Bella on errands and the time with Bella gave her new perspective. She and Bella had always been part of a group setting, with Edward, Emmett or both around as a buffer. Bella was close to Alice, but she'd never been fully relaxed in Rosalie's presence. They got along well, though, so when Rosalie found out Bella was moving back to Seattle, she'd suggested moving in together and Bella had readily agreed. Alice suggested that the two use their time together to get to know one another and they had both been making an effort. Most of their time together had been spent with Bella encouraging Rosalie to vent her feelings about what she'd gone through with Emmett. The more Rosalie talked, the more relaxed and comfortable Bella became and Rosalie was soon able to slip in a few questions of her own. Rosalie had been careful so far to avoid Edward and anything related to him. She learned about Bella's life in England, her studies and her friends. Gradually, Bella began to open up about her relationship with Tyler. As Bella talked, Rosalie began to sense that something deeper was going on. Bella avoided talking about Edward like the plague and every once in awhile, twinges of pain would show on her face, especially when she revealed that she and Tyler were no longer seeing one another. Rosalie sensed that Bella's pain went much deeper than she revealed to anyone, even Alice. Maybe Bella didn't even realize it, but she wasn't as over Edward as she wanted everyone else to believe. Rosalie began to lightly probe the subject, and before she knew it, Bella was opening herself up more than she had in years. During her time with Bella, Rosalie had begun to soften herself. She admired the young woman and wished she could carry herself with such grace and poise. Bella had been through tough times like Rosalie, but she hadn't let her bitterness and anger consume her. Rosalie's conversations with Bella had begun to crack the wall she'd built around her own heart and soften her anger toward the man she had to admit, she wasn't anywhere near over. Rosalie felt a deep desire to help Bella and she hoped that opening herself up and laying out her insecurities might help Bella with her own.

"Bella, I'm still in love with him," she sighed. The two women were relaxing in Rosalie's parents living room. The rehearsal dinner was that evening and Alice had gone into work that day to put things in order for her honeymoon. The last-minute details were taken care of and Rosalie and Bella had some rare time to themselves. They had been chatting about Bella's maid-of-honor speech before Rosalie abruptly changed the subject.

"Who?" Bella asked, although she already knew the answer.

"Johnny Depp, naturally." Rosalie rolled her eyes. "I'm trying to be serious here, Bella. I've told you about everything that happened between us and you've been incredibly patient, but you haven't been honest with me."

"What do you mean?" Bella was caught off-guard. She felt like she may be walking into a trap. Rosalie's mind seemed to work a step or two ahead of her own.

"I mean, I've been more honest with you than anyone else. You're the only person who knows all the gory details and you haven't once told me what a bitch I was."

Bella gasped. Again, she didn't know what to say, so she tried to be tactful. "You went through a lot, Rosalie. I would have been stressed if I was you."

Rosalie laughed humorlessly. "You might have been stressed, but you would've been kind about it. You wouldn't have taken out your anger on other people, especially Emmett. I got angry with him when he tried to tell me it wasn't my fault. I thought he was patronizing me. I treated him like he was the enemy when all he ever did was try to make things easier for me. You would have handled it better than me, Bella. You've always put other people's feelings first."

Bella gave her own humorless laugh. "I put other people first and all it ever got me was dumped. At least you never let someone walk all over you. You got to keep your dignity."

Rose realized that this was the first time she'd heard Bella allude to Edward. She would have to tread lightly to keep the conversation going. "If I'd been less worried about what I wanted, I might still be married now. Sometimes your dignity isn't worth it, Bella. "

"I never had any dignity and I still got dumped. He had all the power in our relationship. I never felt like I was good enough for him and I was always waiting for him to dump me for someone better. That drove him crazy. He told me that I should have a higher opinion of myself, then goes and dumps me for someone prettier." Bella had tears in her eyes as she said this.

"I lived with him, Bells. He didn't date anyone after you."

"There was a girl with him the night that I left! I saw her with him!" Bella cried.

"She came onto him and he pushed her away right after you left. Everyone yelled at him for hurting you, and he explained why you guys broke up."

"He broke up with me because I wasn't good enough for him. He didn't want to take me with him!"

Rosalie's eyes widened. How could Bella still not know the truth after all this time? "Bella, you have to know that's not true. Edward loved you. I don't think you see yourself very clearly."

Bella gave a cry of frustration. "Why does everyone always say that?"

"Because it's true. Didn't Alice ever tell you what happened that night?" Rosalie pushed.

"I know what happened, Rose. I don't need to rehash the humiliating details again."

"So you know that he lied to you? That he was coming after you?" Rosalie demanded.

Bella's eyes widened in shock. "What do you mean, he lied to me? What was there to lie about? He went to Boston. There's now way in hell he would've come after me! Why are you saying that?"

Rosalie laughed. "Wow! I didn't think anyone's life could get more screwed up than mine. Alice always said you wouldn't let her talk about him, but I figured you at least knew some of the story."

"What story?"

Rosalie patted her on the arm, trying to calm her down a little. "It's not my story to tell, Bella. It seems like you've been avoiding him for years, but you're going to see him tonight. You might as well ask him to tell you the truth."

"The truth about what? Rosalie! You have to tell me-" Bella was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Rosalie rushed to answer it, anxious to escape the tense situation. She threw open the door and her jaw dropped. On her parents' front porch stood her husband.

Emmett looked worse than she'd ever seen him. He hadn't shaved in some time and he had dark circles under his eyes. His hair was mussed and his clothing was wrinkled, but his eyes were taking her in intently.

"What are you doing here?" she gasped in shock.

"We need to talk." He brushed past her, which wasn't hard to do since she was limp with surprise. Emmett entered the living room and Bella jumped to her feet in surprise.

"Hey, Em! What are you doing here?" She hugged him, trying to hide her surprised reaction. Normally, Emmett would have greeted her enthusiastically, but something was definitely wrong.

"I need to talk to my wife," he replied shortly.

Bella nodded and began to move toward the door. "I need to go write my speech for tonight."

"Bella, you've already written your speech. You read it to me!" Rosalie exclaimed, but Bella had already bolted out the door. Rosalie turned to face Emmett. "What did you want to talk about?"

Emmett's mouth thinned. "I wanted you to know that I'm moving back to Seattle. I've taken a job at the community college. I thought you should hear it from me first."

Rosalie's mouth fell open, shocked again. "Why are you leaving your job? You love your job!"

He laughed, but it wasn't a happy sound. "I wouldn't have even taken that job if you hadn't pushed me. I was happy here coaching at the high school."

Rosalie's eyes narrowed. "Other people might believe that, but not me! I was the one waiting at home for you when you had to work late or take an extra trip!"

"You knew I didn't have to work all the extra time. You didn't want me at home, Rosalie. All I ever did was make you angry that last year."

"I need you! You said you wanted a baby as badly as I did, then you changed your mind!"

"I wanted a baby, but I didn't want to lose my wife in the process, but I guess it happened anyway." His voice had gone from a shout to barely above a whisper. "I didn't come here to fight with you, Rosie. Despite everything, I really want you to be happy. That's why I've left you alone since you walked out. I guess I'll just go and we can try to avoid each other this weekend." He turned to leave.

"Don't go," she whispered. He continued to move toward the door, so she threw herself in front of him. "Don't go!" she shouted it desperately this time.

"I can't seem to stop hurting you," he whispered brokenly.

"You never hurt me. I hurt myself. I wanted a baby so badly that I lost the only thing that mattered." Emmett was looking at her, seeming hopeful, but he didn't say anything, so she continued desperately. "You know me better than anyone! You know how hard I push myself and it was all my fault we weren't getting pregnant. I caused the problem then I made it worse by taking my anger out on you."

He sighed. "It's not your fault." He said the words faintly, like he was expecting her to argue with him. Rosalie realized that three months ago, she would have thought he was patronizing her and gotten angry. But now she knew better.

"You're right, it's not my fault I can't get pregnant." His eyes met hers, wide with shock. "I've been thinking a lot for the past two months and I've realized that I need to grow up and stop putting so much pressure on myself. I wouldn't want to raise our children like I was raised. I need to stop being so hard on myself, but I don't know how. I need you!" she sobbed.

Emmett opened his arms and she fell into them, burying her face in his neck. Her shoulders shook as she cried. "That's the first time you've ever said that," he told her quietly.

"What?"

"That you need me."

"I'm so sorry!" she cried. "I should have told you every day! I need you more than anything or anyone else! "

He smiled. "That's really good to hear."

She drew back slightly and sniffled. "I know this is going to sound really stupid, but can you ever forgive me?"

He nodded. "I forgave you the second you left. I want to be with you and I even want to do the IVF. I just don't want to lose us!"

She shook her head. "No IVF." He started to protest, but she put up her hand to stop him. "Maybe someday, but not for a while. We need to spend some time getting our relationship back on track and I need some time to work on myself. I want to be a better parent than mine were."

"You will be," Emmett assured her lovingly.

She nodded. "I can be, but not without some help. I need to talk to someone about my control issues and learn how not to get so angry about everything. I made both of us so miserable we almost lost our marriage."

"Speaking of, can we tear up the divorce papers?"

She laughed. "We can burn them and bury the ashes." There was no conversation for awhile as the couple who had just found one another again spent some time "rediscovering" each other. After some time, they came up for air and began a light-hearted conversation about the rehearsal dinner. They were both happy to realize that their reunion would relieve a lot of tension for Alice and Jasper. Emmett commented that Bella and Edward would still be a source of stress and Rosalie's mind flew back to the conversation that had happened right before Emmett's arrival and Bella's hasty departure.

"Does Edward ever talk about her?" she asked, realizing that she and Emmett had never really discussed this subject before.

He nodded. "He asks about her every once in awhile and I tell him a little bit about what she's up to. He likes to hear that she's happy and doing well."

"But does it seem like he still cares about her?"

"Yeah, he does."

"So he told you he still loves her," Rosalie persisted.

"He didn't tell me that, but he didn't have to. I know my little brother. He was excited when he heard she was moving back. He said he was looking forward to seeing her at the wedding."

"She's still in love with him," Emmett's eyes widened at Rosalie's matter-of fact statement.

"She told you that?" He sounded surprised.

"She didn't say that she still loves him, but she got really upset when she talked about him."

Emmett was even more surprised. "I can't believe you got her to talk about him! Alice has been trying for years, but she won't even say his name."

"If she was over him, she could talk about him. She wouldn't get angry when she thinks about him. There's definitely something going on there."

Emmett smiled. "So the question is: To mettle or not to mettle?"

Rosalie snorted. "If you don't mettle in your brother's life, you're not Emmett Cullen!"

He pouted. "Do you think I shouldn't? I don't want to make things worse!"

She slapped his arm. "Hell, yes you should mettle. Those two need you to get involved. If you leave them alone, things will definitely get worse. They're completely hopeless when it comes to each other. And we both know how they must be feeling!"

"So we'd be doing them a favor by moving things along. Should we get Al and Jasper involved?"

"No, they've got enough to worry about. Besides, Alice probably already has something up her sleeve. She's been distracted this week, but she's always know Bella better than Bella knows herself."

"And Alice is always plotting something," Emmett agreed.

Rosalie groaned. "Between you and Alice, those two don't stand a chance!"

Emmett grinned evilly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the epic delay. I have been suffering from epic writer's block. Thank you to those of you who have stuck with me and I hope the ending lives up to your expectations.**

My head was pounding. We hadn't even gotten to the toasting part of the rehearsal dinner and I'd already had too much champagne. But I needed it to soothe my jangled nerves. It was all I could do not to meet _his_ gaze, which had been trained on me all night. He'd brought a date, a gorgeous redhead who was all but hanging off him like a monkey in an attempt to get his attention, but he was watching me. Emmett had told me flat-out that he wasn't dating anyone, so I didn't even know why she was here.

In addition to my stalker, both Emmett and Rosalie were acting incredibly strange. They were both fidgety, but neither looked angry or uncomfortable at being around the other. I'd seen them brush against each other once or twice and neither seemed to be backing away.

"Bella, you should put the lad out of his misery and talk to him," Tyler's voice at my left made me jump.

"Talk to who?"

"The man who hasn't stopped watching you all night."

I glared at Tyler. "I don't have anything to say to him."

"Yes, you do, love. We both know that you have a lot to say to him. You're never going to be happy if you don't set things to right with him."

"There's nothing to fix. It's all ancient history, water under the bridge. He and I are just two people who happen to have the same friends."

Tyler's knowing smile made me want to scream. "If there was nothing between you two, you wouldn't be arguing with me so hard."

"I brought you to support me, not to make things harder!"

"Ya brought me to make him jealous."

"I knew it!" Emmett's roar made me jump again. What was with everyone sneaking up on me?

"What the hell, Emmett?" I pressed my hand to my heart.

"Sorry for scaring you, Baby B. But I was right. I bet Eddie ten bucks that you and Tyler weren't dating and I was right!"

"Why are you two making bets on who I'm dating? And why is he staring at me like a creeper?"

Emmett replied, "He's got a lot of things he needs to tell you, Bella, and you're going to talk tonight."

My eyes widened in shock and it took me some time to find my voice. While I began to bluster out an argument, Emmett gave Rosalie an indecipherable look and she stood up, clanging her spoon against her glass.

"I'd like to raise a toast to the happy couple. I can't believe my baby brother is getting married. I love you guys so much. You've been my rock through some really difficult times lately and I wouldn't have made it without you. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I want to give you some advice that I had to find out the hard way. Never stop talking to each other. Alice, when you get upset and feel like Jasper can't understand you, he's feeling just as frustrated trying to be what he thinks you want. Be there for each other and never stop telling the other what you love about each other. Marriage is hard and it takes work. If you lose sight of that, it can slip away like that." She snapped her fingers. "But you two are much smarter than me. You'll do what it takes to always put your marriage first and you'll never lose each other." Rosalie's eyes were filled with tears and while she'd begun talking to Alice and Jasper, her eyes had locked on Emmett's for the final part of her speech. Finally, she broke their gaze and turned back to the rest of the room, her eyes now roaming the crowd.

"The last thing I want to say is that second chances are priceless. If someone happens to give you one, do everything you can to fix what was wrong. Here's to Alice and Jasper!" She raised her glass.

Alice had jumped out of her seat. Her eyes darted between Rosalie and Emmett. "You two! Are you- Did you-" She seemed to be on the verge of crying and couldn't spit out what she was trying to say. Both Emmett and Rosalie nodded and smiled at her, heading towards each other. When they met in front of the bridal couple, he reached out his hand and she took it.

"Ohmigosh!" Alice squealed and somehow threw her arms around both of them. I was so shocked I couldn't move. By the time I was unfrozen Alice was bouncing around announcing it was time for the bouquet toss. She whipped out the paper plate bouquet I'd created from the bows from her bridal shower. "Bella, Cynthia,,front and center!"

Before I could object, Tyler gave me a shove and I found myself next to Alice's sister, who yelled, "If I catch it, Robert Pattinson is mine!" I was all too happy to let Cynthia have the spotlight, but the bouquet flew right at me as if Alice had planned it. I caught it and everyone wanted to congratulate me. I was passed down a line of people. When I'd finally shaken the last hand, I turned to go back to my table, but I was cornered by the one person I'd been hoping to avoid. I darted my eyes around him, trying to plan my escape.

"We need to talk."


	9. Chapter 9

"We need to talk."

I offered up the first excuse I could think of. "Can't talk right now, Edward. I have to get back to my date."

"He isn't your date."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "How do you know that."

He smiled. "Emmett."

"_Emmett_." I growled in frustration. "Well, you need to get back to your date."

"I know that you know she's not my date. Emmett talked to both of us."

"Whether we have dates or not isn't the point. This is Alice's night and I need to see if she needs me."

Edward's smile grew. "Bella, Alice is gone."

I whirled around to face the banquet room of the restaurant to see Jasper's parents apparantly settling a bill with a server while other employees cleared the tables. Sure enough, all of my beloved friends were gone, even Tyler. I turned back to face Edward, who was leaning against the corner, smirking. "What the hell is going on?"

"Alice asked me if I could give you a ride back to her place."

"She set me up!"

"She knew I needed to talk to you."

I'd thought I was ready to face him, but seeing him for the first time earlier that evening had shaken me to my core and I could barely look at him. His constant stare had kept me on edge all evening. I'd tried to hold onto my anger so I could be strong and face him down, but it was melting away and I was desperately trying to find the strength to even remain standing. "What do you want from me, Edward? You're the one that left me!"

His green eyes flashed. "I spent months trying to find a way to talk to you! You wouldn't even let anyone mention my name!"

The pain that I'd kept locked up so tightly for the past four years came crashing down around me and I was yelling. "What would have been the point? You didn't want me! You sent me away and didn't even give me the chance to make my own choices!"

"You wouldn't have gone to England if I didn't do it!"

"Whatever would've happened, it was my decision and you shouldn't have made it for me! You were always making my decisions for me!"

He blew out a breath and his voice came out much softer. "Yes, I made decisions for you and I shouldn't have. I was wrong. I was young and stupid and I didn't know how to reach you."

His soft words took the wind out of my sails and all I could do was stare at him. "We were both so wrong, Bella. You constantly acted like you thought you weren't good enough for me, like you thought I was going to leave you. I tried so hard to prove you wrong, but you never believed me. I didn't know what to do, how to make you feel better. I know I took over for you when I shouldn't have, but I didn't know how to reach you."

He was voicing my deepest fears from four years ago. Not four years ago, I realized suddenly, but from my entire life. I'd always been afraid that people would find me lacking, so I tried to protect myself. I'd worked so hard to overcome my shyness and insecurities in the past four years, but they were still there underneath and this man brought them right to the surface again. "You left me," I murmured softly.

"I didn't mean to, Bella. I was a stupid kid who was trying to do what I thought was best for both of us. When I finally came to my senses, it was too late. You were gone. But I don't think it's the worst thing that could've happened to us."

"What do you mean?" I gasped.

"Do you really think we would've made it if you'd come to Boston with me? Or if we'd tried long distance? I was an insecure kid trying so hard to hold on to you back then. I think we would've ended up hurting each other worse in the end. From what everyone says, you've turned into an amazing person."

"You asked about me?"

"Always."

"I-I don't understand," I stammered, trying to catch my breath.

"Just be honest with yourself, Bella. Think about who we were back then and where we are now. We were good together back then, but we'd be amazing now. If you don't think so, I'll leave you alone and try to move on."

"What do you mean, try?"

"I'm not over you, Bella. Never have been, never will be, but if you don't want to be with me, I'll learn to live with that. I think we've been through hard times, but they've been good for us and we've both grown up a lot. But like I said, if it's not what you want, tell me."

"I, uh, I don't..." I trailed off, unable to finish my thought. I stumbled and fell into a chair, unable to stand under the weight of my thoughts. Rosalie and Emmett had tried to tell me there was more to the story than what I knew. Hadn't I just convinced myself that we weren't right for each other back then? He was too controlling and I was too needy. Maybe it wasn't that we weren't right for each other, but that we both needed to grow up before we could really be happy together. I thought back to Rosalie's speech. When she'd been speaking I hadn't really been paying attention, but now I realized she'd been talking to me. She'd tried to tell me how hard relationships were. She and Emmett had been so happy together once and so miserable when they were apart. Now they had a second chance and I knew they would both jump into it wholeheartedly. Could I do the same? I looked into his eyes and I knew my answer.

I smiled at him, but before I could speak he knocked over a glass of water on the table next to me. I frowned at him, wondering what the hell he was doing. "I'm so sorry! I'll buy you a new glass of water. And a new dress."

I looked at him, still wondering what was going on. He held out his hand to me. "Hi, I'm Edward."

Suddenly I understood. "Careful, we don't want anymore freak indoor tidal waves."

"I don't mind them. They've brought me the best thing in my life."

THE END

**Bella's done, but Edward still has a little more to say. If you're interested, jump over to Far Away.**


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